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  • Canden

How to Solve Every Complicated Issue

Updated: Jul 12, 2018

A Complicated Story

Donna was happily engaged to Donte. They had been together for five years on and off and were finally ready to tie the knot. On the night of her bachelorette party, an old familiar friend showed up. Tyrone was a high school sweetheart whom she hadn't seen in years and upon seeing her again he began to fall in love with her all over again. After too many drinks Donna and Tyrone slept together and on the morning of her wedding, Tyrone asked Donna to cancel her wedding and marry him.

Two years earlier, at a regular doctor's visit, Tyrone was diagnosed with AIDS. He swore that he would always tell the person he was dating about his situation but on the night that Tyrone met Donna, wanting to be back with her so badly he decided not to tell her, for fear that she might reject him.

During the time that Tyrone and Donna were sweethearts in college, Donna's mother, Tina, was a widowed mother. Donna's father was killed in a tragic car accident four years earlier. Tina met Reuben when dropping off Donna at Tyrone's house one night. He was Tyrone's father who was married for 10 years to the love of his life. Captured by her beauty, Reuben courted Tina and gave birth to Donna's baby brother, Chris.

Getting Things Less Complicated

Two Causes of Complicated Problems

1. We don't always think things through. 

When we fail to weigh the pro's and cons and decide to follow our own wants and desires we make our life more complicated. The best way to make a decision that least affects others is to clear the path. Communicating with others before making decisions that will drastically affect them is the best way to do this. 

2. We know people who don't know how to say, "no".

You might have a friend that always thinks about themselves or a family member who puts themselves before others. When other people affect our lives, this is at no fault of our own; however, we can try to avoid complicated issues if we create boundaries for ourselves. Creating boundaries may involve verbalizing how we feel at first. The next steps may involve limiting the information you give them or access to the people that you are close to. In drastic cases, ending the relationship may give you more peace than trying change the relationship into something it just can't be.

Try the Help Mii Tool! The Self-Counseling tool for those who dare to think differently.

How Complicated Issues Evolve

Complicated issues evolve when we are more concerned with ourselves than the people around us. Here are some common situations that people tend to have trouble with:

  • Falling in love

  • Having sex

  • Being angry

  • Being disappointed

  • Being depressed

  • Being offended

  • Impulse purchases

  • Experiencing loss

  • Losing a Job

  • Having a low self-image

  • Feeling lonely

  • Drinking alcohol

When we are lead by our emotions we find ourselves in situations that we regret later and then we have to figure our way out to a level and peaceful place.

Try the Help Mii Tool! The Self-Counseling tool for those who dare to think differently.

3 People Who Find Themselves in Complicated Issues

Taking into consideration that some complicated problems are brought upon by us and others happen to us there are three types of people that find themselves in complicated issues.

1. The Self-Centered. 

These people are only concerned about themselves. They don't think about others. They don't see the big picture only the here and now. Self-centered people are only thinking about what they will get out of it and how things will be better for them after they have done what they are going to do. They constantly use others for their benefit and are sometimes manipulative.

2. Those with Low Self-Esteem.

Mostly stemming from a negative childhood experience these people are constantly in search of validation and acceptance. This can show itself in a few ways, by either deflecting compliments or by being overly defensive and argumentative. People with low self-esteem are always looking for ways to find happiness, mostly in the things that are temporary only to find that when those things fade away that they are back to feeling low again.

3. Everyone else.

There are those who do not fit into the above categories that may know someone that does and by virtue of your association with them, constantly find your self-involved in some type of drama. You are the innocent bystander. You are just minding your own business when you find yourself involved in someone else's.

Try the Help Mii Tool! The Self-Counseling tool for those who dare to think differently.

How To Solve Every Complicated Problem (In Steps)

Step 1: Break the Problem Down Into Smaller Problems.

Identifying the roadblocks. Things that prevent you from moving forward or coming to peace with the situation. Then write down the sub-problems. The underlying issues that also need to be addressed. For example, if your mother slept with your boyfriend the sub-problem might be your mother has low self-esteem or that your boyfriend lacks self-control.

Step 2: Find Dependencies. 

Decide what problems are dependent on other problems. You may not be able to solve one thing without first addressing something else. Determine what needs to be addressed first and start there.

Step 3: Gather the Facts.

Knowing is half the battle. You may need to talk with others to do this effectively. You would want to know things like how others are feeling and what resolution looks like for them.

Step 4: Brainstorm Options.

Every problem has a solution no matter how difficult that may be. Most of the time, when tackling a complicated problem, the solution may not be something you want to. For example, if you are trying figure out how to stop living paycheck to paycheck it may require you to cut off the cable bill or start another job. Both options, you may not want to do but they are solutions. Try to leave your wants out of it and think in terms of it being a temporary fix to solve the problem. 

Step 5: Work the Solution.

This involves a lot of work, especially for complicated problems. Communication is key, you will have to talk to everyone involved and get their buy-in. Sometimes working the solution might be collaborative depending on the issue. All parties involved should be in agreement. If not, you may want to consider altering the relationship.

Try the Help Mii Tool! The Self-Counseling tool for those who dare to think differently.


Donna spoke with her mother Tina and found out that she was still in love with Reuben but Reuben wasn't willing to separate from his wife. They are still seeing each other but agreed not to tell Chris who his real father was. This upset Donna because she didn't want to keep this type of secret from her brother. Knowing that her mother wasn't going to say anything she decided to do what was right and told her brother the truth.

After Donna was tested she discovered that she contracted Aids. She had feelings for Tyrone in the past but that was in the past. Donna told Donte, her finance the truth and he canceled the wedding. After many apologies and explanations, Donte took Donna back and started the long journey of courtship again. Donte found it hard to trust again.

Eventually, Donte and Donna broke up for good. Donna is single but she learned a hard lesson. Complicated problems sometimes can be prevented

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