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  • Canden

Don't Take A Backseat To Your Own Life

A Story of the Giver

Others would describe Justice as a sweetheart, loving, giving. She was always looking for ways to help others. She gave her co-worker a place to stay when she lost her apartment. She helped a elderly man in the grocery store carry his groceries to his car. Justice even brought soup and medicine to a teller at her local bank, whom she barely knew.

It's safe to say that it's just hard for Justice to say no and she couldn't. She couldn't tell someone else that she wasn't able to help them. It broke her heart to see someone else in need. She felt like by not doing something she was being mean or neglectful. How could she not do something when she knew she could?

Most of Justice's days, weeks, months is spent helping others. She helps others at work and after work. She helps others during the week and on the weekends. It took up most of her time. Justice often found herself tired and lacking energy by the end of every day.

When You Have Taken A Backseat to Your Own Life

Why You Don't Care About You

There are several reasons why we tend to ride in the back seat of our own lives. Here are a few:

We think it's wrong to put ourselves first.

We think it's wrong, selfish even, to think about ourselves and what we need. I'm not sure how this thought came about but it's almost an unspoken societal rule. Don't talk too much about yourself. Put others before ourselves. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. There is nothing wrong with this. You should think of others, you should be giving, but how far does this go and to what limit?

We don't love ourselves.

For some of us, a lot of us, taking care of ourselves is put on the shelf because we don't really care about ourselves. We are not interested in giving ourselves what we need to be healthy and happy and so we never get the attention and care that we need to keep going.

We love other people.

Whether it's a family member or a spouse, certain relationships, roles and responsibilities are allowed to take over. Why? Because we love them. We can't bear to dissapoint them or let them down so when they need something we re-arrange our lives so that we can meet that need. There are are no limits, no boundaries as long as time is available and time is always available when you are not required to be somewhere else. Before you know it your life has slipped away from you.

We are married to our jobs.

There is nothing wrong with loving your job, so don't think that I'm saying that. I'm also not saying that there is anything wrong with being a hard worker. Sometimes; however, we allow loving our jobs or even wanting to achieve career advancement to overtake what may be good for us. There is no moderation. There is no balance.

Try the Help Mii Tool! The Self-Counseling tool for those who dare to think differently.

How did we become this way?

Society taught us

The movies we watch the stories we see on the news and those around us, highlight those who helped others and are giving to others. Hero's are honored. Celebrities who are interviewed talk about working hard towards your dreams and giving back to society. In kindergarten, we learned that "sharing is caring" and how to be good members of society. There's not much focus on caring for ourselves. These things seem to be things we learn later on in life.

Generational Patterns

If our parents didn't take care of themselves or love themselves we may have developed the same patterns of behavior. Not really knowing how to live any differently than what we've seen growing up.

Try the Help Mii Tool! The Self-Counseling tool for those who dare to think differently.

3 Kinds of People Who Forget Themselves

Kind & Giving People

There are just some people who give a lot of themselves. This is just who they are, they can't help it. The thought of someone who is in need saddens them. They go above and beyond for others, so much so that they neglect themselves to do so.


Soccer moms, involved dads, some fall victim to not giving themselves time to focus on them. It's all about the kids, so much so that there is no focus on the marital relationship they have with their spouses. There is no time to do the things they love to do. There is always some extracurricular activity that needs to be done. There is no down time.


As a work-a-holic you may not be in love with your job, but you might have a demanding job. Work hours are always over 10 hours a day and average about 60 hours a week. Your job needs you or something is due that requires a lot of your time by tomorrow. This is why you are always working. Your "me time" is far in between.

Everyone else

It happens to the best of us all. We all have seasons in our life where we get carried away with what's going on around us and forget that we need some time for ourselves.

Try the Help Mii Tool! The Self-Counseling tool for those who dare to think differently.

5 Ways to Take Care of You

1. Exercise & Eat Right

I don't have to preach to you about how important exercising and eating right is. There are tons of articles, news stories, web blogs that will do that for me. But I do want to say, that exercise and eating right is not just so that you can lose weight, it's also so that you can be healthy and be in the best you, you can be. It's about taking care of your body, living longer and feeling good. And everybody should want to feel good.

2. Do Something You Like To Do

Whether it's reading a book or watching a good movie, do something you like to do every now and again. It not only can make you happy but it gives you a sense of peace and tranquility to be able to do something that gives you pleasure.

3. Take a Vacation

I said take a vacation! Take some time away from where you live and where you work. Travel somewhere else. See the world. It can be relaxing to not have to cook meals or clean your house. Let someone else do it for a change. Explore and try new things, let someone else cater to you.

4. Keep Good Hygiene

Loving yourself means doing the normal things that will keep you in good health. When you let things build up, leaving things undone you are creating an opportunity for your body to behave in ways that will hinder you in the future. If you don't take care of yourself in this way, no one else will. Be good to yourself.

5. Take Care of Your Mind & Spirit

Your mind needs stimulation and your spirit needs rejuvenation. Just like a muscle your mind and spirit need to be exercised. Don't blame your mind when you're not on your "A-game" mentally. Likewise don't be confused when you feel down and you haven't taken care of your spirit.

6. Pamper Yourself

This can include a massage or a spa or even a long bubble bath. Try listening to music or indulging a good meal. These are all things that help you to feel good and elevate your mood.

Try the Help Mii Tool! The Self-Counseling tool for those who dare to think differently.


Justice finally decided to schedule some time for herself. She signed up to take a few painting classes and also attended a spa on the weekend. Realizing that she was a naturally giving person, Justice found a compromise. During her personal time, she made it a point to just focus on her and followed up with those she wanted to help at a later time. This way she could still take care of herself and her needs and not feel burdened because she didn't help others. By taking time to take care of herself, Justice started feeling better about herself. She had more energy to do more for others and she was happier. Overall, Justice learned that taking care of herself was just as important as helping others.

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